Boundaries: There's Levels To This

Boundaries are actually expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships. Expectations in relationships help you stay mentally and emotionally well. Learning when to say no and when to say yes is also an essential part of feeling comfortable when interacting with others.

There are three levels of boundaries:

1.   Porous – Porous boundaries are weak or poorly expressed and are unintentionally harmful. They lead to feeling depleted, overextending yourself, depression, anxiety, and unhealthy relationship dynamics. 

 1.  Rigid Boundaries: Rigid Boundaries involve building walls to keep others out as a way to keep yourself safe. But staying safe by locking yourself in is unhealthy and leads to a whole other set of problems… This typically comes from a fear of vulnerability of a history of being taken advantage of. People with rigid boundaries do not allow exceptions to their stringent rules even when it would be healthy for them to do so. If a person with rigid boundaries says, “I never loan money to people,” they never stray from that, even if a friend who isn’t the type to borrow money is in a crisis.

3.) Healthy Boundaries: Are possible when your past doesn’t show up in your present interactions. They require an awareness of your emotional, mental, and physical capacities, combined with clear communication.